It seems to me my whole life journey has been about healing my heart-wound from childhood. I grew up with 2 alcoholic parents, chaos, violence, hiding and self-hatred. It felt like it just wasn’t safe for me to open my heart, as it had been shredded too many times. I didn’t know if it would withstand another shredding.
Yet my heart kept calling me to re-open, to trust that in order to feel fully alive, I was required to fully re-connect with my heart and feel the pain in order to release my heart from its shackles. When I was lost in my ‘stories’ about my past, about me, about how broken, un-loveable, dysfunctional and shame based I felt, then it seemed like too big an ask. The mountain of pain was just too hard to climb.
Yet when I dropped my fear and felt into my heart-space, I was amazed by how much room there was inside. Room to grieve for the lost little girl. Room to truly feel the self-compassion for how brave and resilient I had been. Room for the burgeoning self-love and self-care, which was then able to spill out easier, more effortlessly to others.
My heart was not broken, it was very badly bruised. My heart is incredible. It has power, grace, wisdom, compassion and energy. It truly comprehends and knows fully the human condition. The journey to remembering we are here to love; love ourselves, each other and our home, planet earth.
The heart of my childhood self shut down. It didn’t feel safe. The heart of my 20’s said I don’t care if you don’t love me,
I don’t love myself. The heart of my 30’s said maybe I could heal through loving
The heart of my 40’s looked outward for a partner, then closed again through the realisation that another damaged ’other’ could not heal my heart. The heart of my 50’s looked for validation through work, status and possessions. When I walked away from it all, it began to heal. Hope began to return. Because it re-membered that it has always been an inside journey.
The heart of my 60’s says I can sit with the pain; I can sit with all the memories, I thank you for them all. The pain is where the light gets in. The pain reminds me I am alive, I am whole, I am not broken. I am worthy. I am loved, loving and loveable.
And so are you. Be with your heart. Allow it to feel. It can withstand anything. Try to keep it open. It is your greatest strength and ally. Love yourself through it all. Be kind to yourself through it all. Be compassionate to yourself.
I love you. Hurt children hurt children.
So lets stop the chain by healing our heart wound.
From my heart to yours Jannice Jones Transformation and Breathwork Coach